Dark Side Award # 4
And the winner of the "I know you need a job but I'm not listening to you anyway" Award goes to all the telemarketing operators in the world.
Special Prizes:
For those who managed to get me out of bed: one day in a shooting range (serving as target in case you are still in doubt).
For those who got my line busy while Good Half was trying to call: tour the whitches' point of view on the Spanish Inquisition and the promise of the Company of Jesus that your soul will be saved after you burn at the stake.
For the asshole that called me EIGHT times in a row although I kept saying I would never buy anything from him: one honey bath, followed by a sun tan session (bound obviously) near an African Soldier Ants colony. And the wish that you'll be validating Dante's 'theory' about HELL.
Special Prizes:
For those who managed to get me out of bed: one day in a shooting range (serving as target in case you are still in doubt).
For those who got my line busy while Good Half was trying to call: tour the whitches' point of view on the Spanish Inquisition and the promise of the Company of Jesus that your soul will be saved after you burn at the stake.
For the asshole that called me EIGHT times in a row although I kept saying I would never buy anything from him: one honey bath, followed by a sun tan session (bound obviously) near an African Soldier Ants colony. And the wish that you'll be validating Dante's 'theory' about HELL.
posted by DCveR at 10:47 AM
13 Comments:
what level?
Funny you should say that.
The previous message on my answering was to the effect of:
Thanks for calling...
...if you are a telemarketer, please hang up and dial the next number on your list.
It worked. They always hung up.
hugo: the 8th!
tacit: Bitter?! Now, why would you say that?! No way...
We do have that kind of listing, but is pretty much useless, my landline is listed, several companies have my phone number and there is no way we can keep those companies from calling and most of all there is no enforcement of the laws protecting consumers from 'harassment'
bent: from what I've seen so far it seems telemarketers are better trained in the US, on the other hand, only in the US did I have them calling at 8:30 AM...
I have a couple fun strategies for telemarketers. At my last job, we had a dummy extension assigned to "Pat." Whenever a telemarketer called, no matter who they asked for, we would always say, "Oh, Pat handles that," and transfer them to the dummy extension which went right to voicemail. The greeting at the message was a monotone, gender non-specific voice saying, "It's Pat. I'm on the phone. Leave a message." Often these people would call back and say they never got a call back from Pat. Then the fun would begin as we pretended all sorts of crazy stuff about Pat. BTW, we did check Pat's voicemail just in case they were legitimate business calls and would follow up appropriately. We weren't completely irresponsible :) Now, for the real fun. Occassionally at home, when the telemarketer would ask for me, I would say, "Just a moment. I'll go get her." I would put down the phone and go on about my business while the telemarketer is forced to listen to me do various activities, such as brush my teeth, help my children with their homework, cook dinner, watch a movie, whatever. This was particularly cruel because a telemarketer works by volume and is only supposed to spend so much time on a call. But they'll hang around for a while, ticking away their time, if they think they are going to get a worm on the line. Only one time did it backfire. I actually had a telemarketing company harass me because of my guerilla tactics. I rather enjoyed it.
Time for the wicked Anoop to surface. Have you heard of the Chinese torture?
My wife is so weird, she gets all chatty with them and asks about their families and stuff. Sometimes I'll get irritated and say, like, "Tell them you're not buying anything and you've got to go." Then she covers the mouthpiece and gives me a look like I'm the jerk.
I'm not, by the way. I'm really nice, only, she's even nicer.
I like Jerry Seinfeld's technique:
“I'm sorry, I'm a little tied up now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you back later. Oh! You don’t like being called at home? Well, now you know how I feel.”
bunnyjo: I used to do stuff like that, but then I got too fed up to even fight back
anoop: what do you mean by that? c'mon, don't be shy, tell us!
chill daddy: that is one time consuming strategy! talk to them until they are the ones giving up takes too long
viking: the ones working in my country probably wouldn't get it...
A man had been lost and wandering in the Chinese wilderness for 3 months. All he had to eat was what he could forage and was forced to sleep wherever he could find meager shelter.
One day he came upon an old farm house. In answer to his knock, an old Chinese gentleman asked "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
"I have been lost in the wilderness for 3 months and have not had a decent meal or nights sleep in just as long. May I stay the night?"
The old man agreed under the condition that there be no messing with his granddaughter. "I will cause you no trouble," the man said.
"That's very good," said the old man, "because if I catch you with my granddaughter, you will suffer the three most severe Chinese tortures."
The granddaughter attended the evening meal and the man was awestruck by her beauty. Since he had been alone for so long and she had not been with a man in her life, they could hardly keep their eyes off of each other during the meal.
Later that night the man crept into her room and they had a terrific time together. They were careful to be quiet lest they awaken the grandfather. Afterwards, the man returned to his room (on the third floor), and thought:
"That marvelous experience was worth enduring a thousand tortures." He then fell promptly asleep and had the best sleep in three months.
Upon awakening, he felt an incredible weight on his chest. He then realized that there was a 100 pound rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign that read: "1st Chinese Torture - 100 Pound Rock On Chest."
This is some lame torture thought the man as he carried it over to the window and threw it out. Then he noticed another sign on the bottom of the rock: "2nd Chinese torture - Right Testicle Tied To Rock." Knowing that it was too late to catch the rock, the man hurled himself out of the window after it. Passing through the window the man saw a third sign on the window ledge: "3rd Chinese Torture - Left Testicle Tied To Bedpost."
--- Anoop.
anoop: man, that would be a great way to deal with guys, but what about female telemarketers?
LOL
Bunnyjo that was classic. I still have a phone company that calls me everyday trying to get me to switch providers. I've tried everything to get them to leave me alone, 1)not answering the phone, 2) telling them I no longer lived there, 3) laying down the phone 4) answering the phone speaking in pig latin, and broken spanish NOTHING WORKS. This still call my house everyfriggin day. Ill be moving in two weeks, and I wonder what they'll do when the call and find out my phone has been transferred to a NON PUBLISHED NUMBER. WILL THEY FIND ME? i PRAY NOT!
Yayyy. We don't have them here.
When I'm at my siblings' in the US, and I answer the phone, I say, 'sorry, the owners aren't at home,' and they hang up.
My mother, when she's in the US, uses her mischievous sense of humour. They end up laughing. She ends up with another funny tale to tell haha...
Bunnyjo...that was verrrry entertaining.
icylyrics: one thing that reduced the number of calls was connecting the land line to the fax service of my computer
GG: if you don't have them there don't worry, one of these days you will
penny lane: a friend of ours had to work to one such company for a while too, she hated it but she really needed the money, I know that although I hate getting those calls sometimes the people working there really don't have a choice
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