Whirling around like mad
A friend and loving father lost his temper and slapped his 4 years old daughter way too hard, a friend's boyfriend beat her up, another friend of ours found out his girlfriend, with whom he lives for several years now, has been cheating on him, several relatives have been needing assistance, two of my nieces had their birthday parties last weekend and tomorrow is dad's birthday (against all odds and all the doctors best prognosis he is doing fine now, considering he has overcome prostate cancer, a major brain hemorrhage, heart problems, lungs problems and he is doing dialysis).
Add to that tons of work every day.
Sorry, I know I usually don't start ranting on personal issues, but just this once I really felt like letting some of the steam off.
The worst part really was dealing with that friend off ours who got beat.
Sadly I've come across several abuse situations over the years, nonetheless I haven't learned how to deal with it yet.
What makes someone get mad to the point of getting physical with a loved one?
And how can someone endure abuse and still live with the abuser, and still sleep with the abuser...
I've talked this over with GH, as we do with all issues, and none of us can understand how people can take that kind of treatment.
Nowadays domestic violence is a public crime in Portugal, so anyone who knows about it must report it, yet the victim in this case tried to hide it from everybody and begged me not to report it.
Against my own principles I've agreed to let it go if and only if she would move back to her own house. But should she forgive him, what shall I do? This is bothering me more than I can make you understand, letting this go is wrong, but at the same time dragging her into court would be terrible too.
Sometimes it feels the whole world really is going insane.
Add to that tons of work every day.
Sorry, I know I usually don't start ranting on personal issues, but just this once I really felt like letting some of the steam off.
The worst part really was dealing with that friend off ours who got beat.
Sadly I've come across several abuse situations over the years, nonetheless I haven't learned how to deal with it yet.
What makes someone get mad to the point of getting physical with a loved one?
And how can someone endure abuse and still live with the abuser, and still sleep with the abuser...
I've talked this over with GH, as we do with all issues, and none of us can understand how people can take that kind of treatment.
Nowadays domestic violence is a public crime in Portugal, so anyone who knows about it must report it, yet the victim in this case tried to hide it from everybody and begged me not to report it.
Against my own principles I've agreed to let it go if and only if she would move back to her own house. But should she forgive him, what shall I do? This is bothering me more than I can make you understand, letting this go is wrong, but at the same time dragging her into court would be terrible too.
Sometimes it feels the whole world really is going insane.
posted by DCveR at 7:54 PM
11 Comments:
"What makes someone get mad to the point of getting physical with a loved one?" It is not about being angry, but about being controlling and dominating. It's a serious, mostly incurable personality flaw. You can treat the symptom a bit, but not the basic problem, which will always find some way to manifest.
You should report it anyhow, and if you lose her as a friend, so be it. If you stand by you are only being an enabler.
Sorry to ehar about all the difficulties later. I stop in from time to time, but never usually comment. Hope things get better.
poor Dcver, this is a terrible position to be in. As hard as it is to stand by and watch, ultimately all you can do is be a good friend to her - in the end she is an adult who has to make her own
choices.
Hope your dad is doing better - he is an amazing fighter. You have been through the wars recently - I'm sending good wishes your way :-)
I was wondering what's happened to you. I didn't even dream it would be this much.
Hope your dad's doing well. Tell him he has lots of get well wishes from around the world, that will cheer him.
Your poor friend probably has very poor self esteem, thinks she doesn't deserve better.
Some fellas, with counselling, do change. Not all, some.
At least you had birthday parties :-)
DC, Blogworld is empty without you, mate! Glad you're back!
I'll always remember the story of your dad helping out that woman, he is a good man! Actions speak louder than words.
As for your abused friend, it is a tragedy that fear prevents some people from breaking away from violence.
She will see the way, one day. Because when you love someone, the last thing you want to do is hurt them. Anyone who says love has to hurt you doesn't really know what the hell they're talking about!
I'm sorry to hear about all of this DC.
Just stay strong and continue to be a safe port for your "whirling" ships.
mister underhill: Thanks. In a way things are fine with me, come to think about it the troubles are around me, affecting people I love, but not affecting me directly. You're right when you say I should report it, morally I really should, but when taking all thinks into consideration it gets harder to decide, life really isn't black and white.
annie: Thanks. You know, at the same time watching all the troubles around me helps putting my own problems into perspective, it makes me see how small they really are.
GG: Yup. And I got craved to help preparing those parties. But the smile on the faces of the wee ones is enough pay.
cream: You flatter me way beyond my value. That is exactly the one thing I say about him, he is a good man and has always been a great father. As for my friend she is now back in her old place, I hope she has the sense to stay away from that jerk.
TGOV: One thing that puzzles me is the fact that both GH and I have bad temper when things start getting to our nerves, but letting it off on one another or on someone we love never seemed an option, it is something completely weird for us. And when it comes to children our patience just seems to stretch almost endlessly... this makes it harder to relate to the agressor and makes us take the side of the victim without much questioning.
phoenix: Safe port is not what I'd call it, it's been more like a mix of ambulance and firetruck... but you're right, if things were the other way around they would be there for me too.
Sad post. Sorry to hear about this madness :-)
i would make her report it- that way she cant start defending him... that would piss me off to no end too!!!
I would report it anyway, physical abuse never stops. SOmeimtes women stay in abusive relationships becasue they feel liike they have no other choice, sometimes they stay because its easier than leaving and making a life for themself, or they don't believe they can make it on their own and need the other person.
I agree, its sickenineg. We have to help people who can't help themselves and not make excuses for abuse.
Can you ask your dad? What's his view on this situation?
nml: At least things are improving now.
ale & Caribbean colors: One of the things that amazes me is the fact we are talking about a woman who has her own house, her own career, a superior education, who has always fought her way to the top, who is about my size and almost as strong, she is not a weak ling, what amazes me mostly is the fact that had she fought back and she could have easily brought that guy down. In fact I’ve known her to break bigger guys in different situations.
kris: I don’t think I can talk it over with dad, it would upset him and when he gets upset is blood pressure gets to dangerous levels nowadays.
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